Negro Donkey: 2011

"Question is will I ever leave you? The Answer is NO!
-The Winans

I heard that song many years ago when I was a prisoner in a mexican jail, that had been remodeled to look like a Turkish Bath house. I had been there for 40 days and 40 nights and began to hallucinate and thought I was going to die when a young negro from Mississippi, who was wearing a pair of earth-toned coolots, and was also being incarcerated on some bogus charges, as I was, began to sing this song a capella and ever since then it has stuck with me. I think of it now in my first actual posting on this blog since the powers that be, who asked me to start this blog, for the simple fact that all my friends and fans who have never heard me actually speak had so many questions for me. I figured straight off the bat you should know the things that most of you ask me when I am out and about or simply relaxing at home with your mothers.

WHO AM I?

I am none other than what I appear to be, Negro Donkey, the one and only in the flesh. Yes I am that Negro Donkey, the one that came to you in your dreams many years ago. I am the antithesis to all your worst moments and the elixir to all your greatest desires. I am not a super hero although I have played the role a time or two. I am that voice down the hall. I am the finder of lost loves. I am the one who wets the dream. Sometimes I create the good times and sometimes I just make them better so all you have to do is let them roll.

AM I REAL?

As real as they come. I am the last of the real mofo's! Realer then the Isrealites! I ain't no figment! Who you callin' a fairytale?

WAS I BORN OR CREATED

Both! I was born into this world from the father of necessity and the mother of invention. You created me from that pile of broken dreams you keep in the recesses of your unconscious mind. I am manifested by those who talk late nights in back alleys, and conjured by office temps who no longer wanna be backend back-office butt fucks.

DO I TALK?

Did you hear me?

WHAT DO I DO?

All the things you are too afraid to. I make sense out of your crazy dreams. I sweep your messes under the rug. I get rid of the whistleblowers. I dispose of waste, "Cats in a bag and the bags in a river!". I am the one who bullies the bullies. I stick it to the man...by sticking it to his woman! I am the one who does the things you only think about in your wildest dreams. I co-sign all your crazy ideas. I rock parties!

WHERE CAN I FIND YOU?

Most places but most of all in your mind. If you concentrate I will appear. Lots of times I am there already but you are just not looking. Click your heels three times and say my name....that will not make me appear I just like the idea of people everywhere looking silly and screaming my name. You can also find me at your party...for a nominal fee.

ARE YOU FRIEND OR FOE?

I am friends with almost everybody except your foes. Sometimes I eradicate your foes by making them your friends.

WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

To give a voice to those who don't have one and a sense of style to those who need it. To lift you all out of your lethargy. To wake you all from your slumber and sing the praises of joy and pain all of this while wearing an ascot and crossing my legs at the knee in a manly way!

Welcome friends. Any more questions?